Humor

OK, so Bigfoot was a bust, but there have still been a lot of great little weird news items recently. I thought I would pass on a few of my favorites, and ask for yours in comments.

Well, they used to hold naval battles there, so why not Pirates of the Colosseum?

Would this be Soylent Brown?

Rat snacks can solve world food price crisis: Indian official

Yum! And not to be outdone, the Aussies are saying we can save the planet by switching to 'Roo Burgers! Hmm, reminds me of a song...

OK, I spent *way* too much time playing this game last night: Orbitrunner. And because I'm the kind of guy that I am, I wanted to inflict it on you.

It's actually a very interesting bit of gaming, for as simple as seems at first glance. Here's the description from the site:

Control the Sun with your mouse. Use it to manipulate the planets' paths. The Sun's pull gets stronger as planets get closer. If the gravity is at a right angle to the direction of travel, an orbit can form. Make sure planets don't leave the screen or collide!

Wanted - female between 2 and 4 years old with a voice like a duck, the body of a Banyan tree, the chest of a lion, flawless skin, hair, eyes, and teeth, and is not afraid of the dark, to represent the powerful Hindu deity "Royal Kumari" at Kathmandu in Nepal.

What's that? What is the reason why the current representation of the deity, Preeti Shakya, 11, who has held the position since she was four years old, cannot continue as the deity's earthly vessel you ask?

Well, shoot! You know! *blush* She might - *garsh!* - become all womanly and such! *blush blush* It wouldn't be seemly!

[link] “If we don't change her now we'll have to wait until next year, which could be late,” said Deepak Bahadur Pandey, of the Trust Corporation, which oversees the Kumari search. “It is inauspicious if the girl starts menstruating while serving as Kumari.”

Inauspicious indeed! Wow. You can't make-up crazy like that! That's comedy gold right there. Heheh...

BERN, Switzerland—Paul McCarthy’s Complex Shit, a giant inflatable dog turd, escaped from its moorings at the Zentrum Paul Klee last week and brought down a power line and broke a window before landing on the grounds of a children’s home 200 meters away, the Guardian reports. Although the unintended flight happened on July 31, details emerged only yesterday.

Clearly, this was an act of Dog.

(See, I *said* I was dyslexic.)

Jim Downey

Via MeFi.

I left a comment on J.L. Hinman's blog Metacrock a few days ago complementing him on his predictable use of The Courtier's Reply when responding to an atheist. I then went on about my life and promptly forgot all about it.

Well, I stumbled back onto his blog today and noticed that he replied to my comment.

Three times. In a row. Each time becoming more incoherent than the last.

Fun!

The original post that I replied to is here. My original reply is a few comments down.

My latest reply to his nonsense is below the fold.

I'm not a big fan of the Olympics, but Chris Cope has a good take on things. An American living in Cardiff (Wales, you twit, part of the UK), he has an interesting perspective. And he certainly is right here:

That said, the BBC is certainly giving it its best effort. We are promised wall-to-wall coverage via TV, radio, online and mobile phones. Huge television screens have been erected in a number of city centers across the country. And a terrifying animated kung-fu monkey has been unveiled to promote the event.

In Britain, we are required by law to pay $275 a year for the privilege of watching television. This is where our money goes.

I'm particularly amused by the kung-fu monkey, whose name is ... Monkey. A two-minute cartoon of his traveling to the Bird's Nest with a pig and strange water zombie has been airing with increasing frequency over the past few weeks. It is surreal every time I see it.

Surreal is right. Wow. You've gotta see that to believe it.

Jim Downey

It's Primary Election day here, and in a bit I'll be going to the polls to make some careful, considered choices.

But things like this sometimes make me wonder why I bother. The human race is clearly doomed.

Jim Downey

(Via PZ.)

A clear case of 'common descent' if I've ever heard one:

Body of ballooning priest found at sea

RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - The body of a Brazilian priest who floated out over the ocean suspended by hundreds of helium-filled party balloons, has been found off the coast of southeastern Brazil, police have confirmed.

The corpse of Father Adelir Antonio de Carli was spotted by a tugboat at sea near the city of Macae, three months after he disappeared while flying a contraption buoyed by balloons over the Atlantic Ocean in a fund-raising stunt.

Too bad he didn't pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, eh?

*sigh*

No, I'm not going to say "how sad". Guy tried to pull an idiotic stunt (even if it has been done multiple times). That he was a priest who was doing it so that he could help spread the 'Good News!' doesn't change the fact that he took a risk and got caught. Nothing tragic to see here, move along folks, move along.

Heheh... Kenneth Joel Hotz, one-half of the reality TV show called "Kenny Vs. Spenny", will stop at nothing to win the competition with his friend Spenny Rice - including pissing off every Christian in Toronto.

Q: So... what happened?
A: The competition this week is who can piss off the most people. I was going out and actually getting beaten up a couple of times, because I went into a baseball diamond and I stole a team’s baseball. They all beat me up.
Q: Are you all right?
A: I’m OK. But I just realized I didn’t really want to hurt individuals. I just thought it was mean and unlikeable. So I decided I’d just rather piss off large groups of people instead.
Q: What made you decide to pick on Christians?
A: My excuse: I wanted the banner to say “Heil Hitler” or “Guys are stupid” or something, but the airplane company wouldn’t agree to those. So, I said, “My friend Jesus [said with a Hispanic accent] is getting married and I want to play a joke on him.” And Jesus [said with hispanic intonation] spells Jesus [said with non-hispanic intonation]. They didn’t want to intentionally piss people off, so I kind of manipulated the situation.

Quote courtesy of the National Post

OK, in our last edition of Confession Time a number of people wanted to consider movies from the 1960s to be "classics", in spite of my saying such movies needed to be more than 50 years old.

So, this time, let's do a 1960s edition. Fess up - name your favorite movie dated between Jan 1, 1960 and Dec 31, 1969. Explain why you have to 'confess' that this is a favorite. Multiple entries allowed.

As usual, I'll start.

I'll say the five Sean Connery James Bond movies (Dr. No, From Russia with Love, Goldfinger, Thunderball, You Only Live Twice). Cheesy, sexist, violent, absurd. Almost unwatchable for me now when I am feeling sane and sober. But as a kid, I loved those movies, and still get a kick out of them when I'm in the right mood now. Can I get some absolution over here?

So, what's your confession this time?

Jim Downey

Man, this is like a real-life version of Snatch:

Would-be Vegas hitman’s story ends in Irish jail

We all nurse private ambitions. Essam Ahmed Eid, a 53-year-old Egyptian man living in Vegas and dealing poker at the Bellagio, dreamed of becoming a hit man. He longed to take off the casino clown suit, the Nehru shirt and simpering smile — and replace them with a gun and a grimace.

So Eid did what any enterprising 21st century contract killer would: He created a Web site — hitmanforhire.net — and waited for the clients to come.

And what a site it was, too. From the home page:

Hitman is the perfect solution for your killing needs. We offer a variety of professional assassination services available worldwide. Whether you are trying to put an end to a domestic dispute or eliminate your business competitors, we have the solution for you.

The desecration has begun...

...and ended, apparently.

That wasn't very noteworthy at all. Watch out for suicide Frackincrackerterians, PZ!

Via Reason, this not-at-all-surprising glimpse into the intersection of drug forfeiture laws and corruption - from my old hometown!

St. Louis — During Labor Day weekend 2002, St. Louis city police responded shortly after midnight to an unusual call.

The police chief's daughter, Aimie Mokwa, then 27, had crashed a car.

It was a car she didn't own. St. Louis police had seized it during a drug arrest and turned it over to a private company that holds a lucrative towing contract with the department. That company gave her free use of it.

Oh, it gets better from there. This was not the only such time she got such a sweetheart deal. Nor the only time that she crashed a vehicle and then walked away (including once when her blood alcohol level was recorded as being twice the legal maximum).

That's a great quote from a comment in a thread about dangerous playground equipment over on MetaFilter. Which, coupled with this other thread there about an insanely dangerous water park that used to exist in New Jersey, got me thinking about crazy stuff I used to do as a kid and just how many 'scars' I have as a result. Broken teeth, broken bones, probably a couple of square feet of abraded skin and various burns and whatnot.

Via Reason, this news item:

OKLAHOMA CITY — Some Oklahoma County voters can expect to receive comic books in the mail soon, but the subject matter will have a serious tone.

The 16-page publication prepared by Commissioner Brent Rinehart's re-election campaign lampoons gays and criticizes Rinehart's political opponents. It also features an angel who supports the embattled commissioner and Satan, who supports his critics.

"It's more or less a story of my experiences of the last four years of being the county commissioner of District 2," Rinehart told The Oklahoman, which obtained the comic on Wednesday.

Toga-wearing gays, political figures, trench coat-clad henchmen, concerned residents and Rinehart make up the rest of the comic's characters.

That's the name of a new (to me) web comic, done in the style of the Archie books. It's a weird effect. But with dialog like this:

Look, I carried your mom's divinely impregnated fat butt all over Bethlehem, you better laugh at my joke.

how could you go wrong?

Jim Downey

I've never paid a great deal of attention to former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura. I knew he was something of a maverick with libertarian leanings who seemed to piss off most of the establishment politicians in his state, and I remembered that he had a flap in the late 90s when he called religious believers "weak minded". But for the most part he has been below my radar, so to speak.

Yet recently there had been some chatter about the possibility of Ventura running for the Senate, and last night he went on Larry King's show where he said that he had decided not to run.

Now, what's interesting is that on NPR's Morning Edition today, they played a clip from the show (which I didn't see). This is what Ventura said, when asked whether or not he would change his mind and file to run before today's 5:00 PM deadline:

OK, you've probably heard about the little dust-up that PZ Myers has been having with a bunch of Catholics. If not, here's the initial post at PZ's site, with follow-up posts here, here, here, here, with this being the most recent post, featuring some of the hate mail sent to Myers. That's over 6,000 comments on his blog alone, by my count. And of course lots of others have weighed in on the subject, including UTI alum DarkSyde yesterday at Daily Kos.

So, want to tweak a religious friend or relative? Next time you need to get them a gift, give them this:

The Uncensored Bible: The Bawdy and Naughty Bits of the Good Book

Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly